Gym-Antics.
So the salesman at my gym was up to his crazy furniture salesman antics again. This guy came in to look at the gym and take a tour and G (that is the initial I will use for the salesman) was pointing at apparatuses (apparati?) and giving the usual talk up he gives to guys. "You know what all this stuff does, machines over here, free weights over there. I don't have to sell you, this stuff sells itself." It is a shitty thing to do, and car salesman and G famous for it. What it does, in case you are wondering, is puffs up the ego of the buyer and puts them in a position where they are unwilling to admit they don't know something, so they don't ask a lot of questions, because questions are a sign of ignorance. When I sold cars I used to talk about the engine and say things like, "it has a four port fuel injection system, but you probably know," that or, "the difference between the Altima and the Maxima, in terms of suspension, is that the Maxima has blah blah blah, but you have done your home work and I am sure you know all about it." It kills the buyer’s questions, it basically makes them zombies and if you can do it well you will make money. I happened to be very good at it. Because I never said it boisterously and because when I talked about the other stuff I tried to not sound like an expert, so I was trying to make it sound like I didn't know what I do, but surely you do.
But I am losing my focus, so G is walking around and doing his thing, and as it turns out I know the guy that he is walking around. So G says to me, hey Vince, how are you liking the gym? Then he gives me this finger point move and a raised eyebrow, that either said, "Aren't you impressed I remembered your name." Or, "God, I look good today." I couldn't figure out which one and since I don't really like G I didn't really ask. But the best part about this is that my name is not Vince. And the guy that was taking the tour knows that. So I will be interested to see if he joins. Mike, the guy on the tour knows his way around a gym and he is pretty serious about his fitness and it is a nice gym so maybe he will, but it doesn't really matter to me one way or the other.
Completely separate thought stream. On my walks into work in the morning there is this older man probably in his 60's or so that sits outside this little breakfast cafe and listens to his portable CD player -- I swear to god it is the cutest thing in the world. So yesterday when I was walking past him he was listening to the Beach Boys All Summer Long album. Last week he was listening to Surfin Safari. It was funny to see.
Another completely separate thought. There is this Chinese food place around the corner from my office; it is pretty decent by shitty Chinese food standards. But you walk to through panhandle lane to get there. It is a little off putting to be in the midst of the "Down City Renaissance" and be constantly asked for money. But yesterday... Oh man... I had somebody ask for paper money. Here is how it all went down (in a one scene play):
That was it, in truth that is exactly how it happened.
Five minutes later when I had stopped steaming this is what I wanted to say
Why I would choose to say Shame on you is really quite beyond me, but I also find it funny that when I am really fired up I use words like whom and I never, ever, end a sentence with a preposition. So basically something I learned about myself just know is that when I get angry or frustrated I turn into the grammar police. That is weird?
For those of you have been frequent readers of my obsession for food (and it pornographic qualities) today's blog o' the day is:
What the hell do I do with kale?
Why?
I like the writing first and foremost. It is a funny idea: A blog about food - recipes, restaurants the whole nine. But, and this is important, have you ever read a blog where you feel like you are reading a cardboard cut out, with out getting to look at the person underneath. Me too? I don't get that from this site. If I were going to have dinner with four perfect strangers tomorrow, Rachel would be on my short list. Whereas:
Today's winner of my dubious blog o' the day:
Girl With an Attitude
Why?
Honestly, I haven't the foggiest. I went to this mother of a webpage by using the Next blog button, which might be my favorite feature on a website, and I was stuck and new we had a winner. And no, not because there is a girl in a bikini on the front of it. Because what the person has typed down... It looks like English, but I don't understand a word of it. It makes me fell old and scared and yucky!
But I am losing my focus, so G is walking around and doing his thing, and as it turns out I know the guy that he is walking around. So G says to me, hey Vince, how are you liking the gym? Then he gives me this finger point move and a raised eyebrow, that either said, "Aren't you impressed I remembered your name." Or, "God, I look good today." I couldn't figure out which one and since I don't really like G I didn't really ask. But the best part about this is that my name is not Vince. And the guy that was taking the tour knows that. So I will be interested to see if he joins. Mike, the guy on the tour knows his way around a gym and he is pretty serious about his fitness and it is a nice gym so maybe he will, but it doesn't really matter to me one way or the other.
Completely separate thought stream. On my walks into work in the morning there is this older man probably in his 60's or so that sits outside this little breakfast cafe and listens to his portable CD player -- I swear to god it is the cutest thing in the world. So yesterday when I was walking past him he was listening to the Beach Boys All Summer Long album. Last week he was listening to Surfin Safari. It was funny to see.
Another completely separate thought. There is this Chinese food place around the corner from my office; it is pretty decent by shitty Chinese food standards. But you walk to through panhandle lane to get there. It is a little off putting to be in the midst of the "Down City Renaissance" and be constantly asked for money. But yesterday... Oh man... I had somebody ask for paper money. Here is how it all went down (in a one scene play):
A dingy street that is attempting to look nice. A young man walks down the street with a paper bag filled with Chinese food. There are four people sitting on the street in various places.
Panhandler: Hey there Big Guy. Can you help me out, I need some money for food.
BG: Let me see. (Fishes around in pocket for a hand full of change, on finding some he scoops the change out with his free hand and hands it to the panhandler)
PH: Is that it?
(Pause)
Don't you have any paper?
(Pause)
What the hell am I supposed to get with this?
BG: (stunned) What? Sorry. That is all I got.
That was it, in truth that is exactly how it happened.
Five minutes later when I had stopped steaming this is what I wanted to say
A dingy street that is attempting to look nice. A young man walks down the street with a paper bag filled with Chinese food. There are four people sitting on the street in various places.
Panhandler: Hey there Big Guy. Can you help me out, I need some money for food.
BG: Let me see. (Fishes around in pocket for a hand full of change, on finding some he scoops the change out with his free hand and hands it to the panhandler)
PH: Is that it?
(Pause)
Don't you have any paper?
(Pause)
What the hell am I supposed to get with this?
BG: (stunned) What? Sorry. I don't think I heard you right. (beat) Did you just have the gall, the audacity to specify the type of money for which you are begging? So let me get this straight? Aside from the fact that you are begging for money I work my ass off for every week; you have the gumption to sit on this stoop in pressed clothing, and yes I recognize that you are a panhandler wearing clean ironed clothes, and designate the proper denominations? Shame on you, Sir. Shame on YOU!
Why I would choose to say Shame on you is really quite beyond me, but I also find it funny that when I am really fired up I use words like whom and I never, ever, end a sentence with a preposition. So basically something I learned about myself just know is that when I get angry or frustrated I turn into the grammar police. That is weird?
For those of you have been frequent readers of my obsession for food (and it pornographic qualities) today's blog o' the day is:
What the hell do I do with kale?
Why?
I like the writing first and foremost. It is a funny idea: A blog about food - recipes, restaurants the whole nine. But, and this is important, have you ever read a blog where you feel like you are reading a cardboard cut out, with out getting to look at the person underneath. Me too? I don't get that from this site. If I were going to have dinner with four perfect strangers tomorrow, Rachel would be on my short list. Whereas:
Today's winner of my dubious blog o' the day:
Girl With an Attitude
Why?
Honestly, I haven't the foggiest. I went to this mother of a webpage by using the Next blog button, which might be my favorite feature on a website, and I was stuck and new we had a winner. And no, not because there is a girl in a bikini on the front of it. Because what the person has typed down... It looks like English, but I don't understand a word of it. It makes me fell old and scared and yucky!
posted by V. at 8:48 AM
2 Comments:
I find your gym stories totally entertaining, because I work at a gym. Except, its sort of like the anti-gym. Its a city owned facility, so instead of having in-shape 30 year olds bounding around and personal trainers on staff, the clientele is primarily senior citizens and group home patients and the employees are always sitting around eating fast food behind the counter. I think the general work day there could probably be made into a Kevin Smith film. So, reading about what goes on in a gym that takes itself too seriously is totally funny.
I find your gym stories totally entertaining, because I work at a gym. Except, its sort of like the anti-gym. Its a city owned facility, so instead of having in-shape 30 year olds bounding around and personal trainers on staff, the clientele is primarily senior citizens and group home patients and the employees are always sitting around eating fast food behind the counter. I think the general work day there could probably be made into a Kevin Smith film. So, reading about what goes on in a gym that takes itself too seriously is totally funny.
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