"I read the signs, I got all my stars aligned..." -St. Vincent

A guilty pleasure of mine is astrology. It sounds really hokey and I would file my feelings for it under the heading: interesting but not particularly germane. I don't spend a lot of time worrying about Mercury in retrograde or Mars's transit through Virgo, because I don't know what it means; but I like to read my horoscope and I have spent a small (albeit very small) amount of time learning more about star charts and what it all means in the long run.

For example, I am a Leo. But I am also a Leo/Cancer Cusp. It is strange because most people would say, "Oh, he's a leo so he is the attention hog, self-centered, guy that likes to be in the lime-light and wants everybody to see him." And honestly, that couldn't be further from the truth. But I will save my diatribe about "What it all means to V. in astrology" for another more crystal laden, granola-y post.

What I want to mention today is that my local newspaper had a big special for New Year's Day where they posted up the Holiday Mathis (that is the astrologer that syndicates the horoscope) thoughts for the New Year. Since I am a Cancer/Leo cusp I read both (that is the Leo in me). Here they are:

Cancer:
Take your instinct about what is truly valuable with you into the New Year. And what you can leave back in 2007 is your fear that you are unworthy of it. Repeat: "I am worthy of the things I desire."

Leo:
Take your need for attention into the future. It perfectly matches other people's to be amused. But if there's ones thing you can leave back in 2007, it's low confidence. You're a star! Believe it.

When I read that it really floored me. Never has the horoscope been more apropos of the things I was thinking about at the time. Usually I read them a day late and sit there and say, "Nope, you were wrong, my day sucked. I don't know what you are talking about financial windfalls and romance; more like flaming bags with poop in them."

But this has been on my mind a lot because I know that somewhere along the way in my life, I heard Leos are arrogant, and I picked up that self-deprecation is cute. And maybe those things are true: but maybe only in small doses. I trip over an ottoman, stand up and announce that the next show is completely different: cute. I constantly say that people don't like me because I am overweight: tiresome and boring.

Also, to me the two of these horoscopes are inextricably tied to each other. Part of the reason I have such a hard time with the thoughts of achieving success as a writer or in my career or whatever because when it all comes down to it I can't believe that good things happen to me; because sometimes I don't want them to.

This is turning into a really weird post so I am going to announce, to the world, my New Year's Resolutions for 2007.

1. I am NOT going to run the New York Marathon. (This is strictly so that next year I can say I kept at least one resolution.)
2. I am NOT going to be so damn hard on myself. I know somewhere in the pit of stomach that I am a fun person, I hear it all the time, it is time to start believing it.
3. I am going to make a conscientious effort to cut meat (and I mean chicken, pork, beef, game and fowl) out of my diet.
4. I am going to believe that I have the ability to be a writer as a career, I just have to believe in it and chase it.